Addicted to pain
As weird as it may sound, its real. The addiction to pain is a conscious yet unconscious decision to keep ones’ own self in a vicious self hatred cycle, to keep yourself from being happy as you feel you are undeserving of happiness.
The addiction to pain could be simplified by the need to constantly bring up old hurtful memories in order to keep that feeling of pain alive in you. It brings no good but it sure creates a more comfortable environment over the unpredictable future of uncertainty. Living in constant pain only attracts more pain, but it also saves me from unrealistic expectations of what wonders life can bring.
What you do to hurt me will only bring me the familiar feeling of pain, and so one could say I have stripped you of the power to hurt me and cause me PAIN.
We are in constant search of it, not because we are undeserving of peace but because its a familiar feeling we all know too well. Its not justified but at least I know I can deal with it.