Category: Personal reflection

May 17, 2021

It’s been a while, but the confusion remains.

So its been a while since I poured my confusion out and left myself even more confused about my life. Whats changed, as I ask myself, since my last interaction? Well that same situation that has had me on an emotional roller coaster for that past 2 and a half years, has slightly changed. It actually reminds me of something I’ve heard, that goes a […]

February 23, 2021

I’m bruised

I’m bruised in ways you can’t even imagine. The hardest part isn’t admitting that I’m bruised but it is trying to explain to someone why I’m bruised. My wounds refuse to heal because I keep picking at them. The motivation I get from the advice and YouTube videos only last about an hour at most before my own mind drags me to the bitter reality […]

November 10, 2020

I’m drowning

I’m drowning, I’m drowning in fear, in pain and in frustration. It is pulling me inward in such a way that, I can’t even stream out for help. It creeps up on me even in the most un-triggered of times. I can’t see how this ends. The stages this comes at me is confusing, if I’m not numb, then I’m sad or depressed and people […]

October 21, 2020

Why is love soo scary….?

We have been through this before and it didn’t end so well, it might have not been with you, but in a way it was. I know how I am when in love and it ain’t pretty. The idea of me losing myself again is terrifying. I will never understand why love is now scary. You are different, or so I wish you are but […]

October 6, 2020

False self image alert

So its said how you see the world is a reflection of how you see yourself. The idea of self image is the very defining point of it. If that is true, then one of my perceptions is lying. I personally see the world as full of opportunities and hope, but internally I’m numb. I know it doesn’t make any sense but somehow it does. […]

August 25, 2020

The reason why self love is soo hard to attain

Somehow loving yourself just seems just a little harder than what I had originally envisioned. I know I’m good enough and I know what I am capable of. I understand where I’m coming from and I know where I’m going. So why is hard for me to proudly and honestly say ” I love myself, unconditionally” Firstly, what does loving one’s own self mean? Do […]

August 3, 2020

I’m tired of fighting

It’s draining, it’s pointless and makes me weak yet fuels my toxic attraction to you. I need your attention and it seems fighting is the only way to keep you online long enough to feed my craving for you. The reason I can’t keep doing this to myself is beyond logic . I don’t want to lose you too, because I have already lose myself, […]

August 2, 2020

Addicted to pain

As weird as it may sound, its real. The addiction to pain is a conscious yet unconscious decision to keep ones’ own self in a vicious self hatred cycle, to keep yourself from being happy as you feel you are undeserving of happiness. The addiction to pain could be simplified by the need to constantly bring up old hurtful memories in order to keep that […]