close up of hand holding pencil over white background
February 28, 2021

Changing the optic direction

By Confusedgirl

Basically just changing my perspective. I have been in a real dump for the past couple of what seems like years, and today someone just pops up and says “Hey, you know you can change for the better right?”. Literally just like that, I can change for the better. As per normal, I start listing reasons for why its soo hard to just change and switch up like that. Countless reasons if I say so myself.

Funny enough he let me finish listing all my reasons for me wanting to relive my sad one track life for the next 40 years AGAIN. Once I was done, he just said ” you have to want to change before you can change”. I have probably heard that phrase a hundred times, but the way he said it with little next to zero care at all. It felt like after listening to my reasons why I supposedly choose suffering over joy, he just got bored with me. His tone hit hard, it felt like another person giving up on me.

Why am I holding on to the suffering, I keep attracting more suffering with this suffering I am holding on to ever so dearly. So I decided right there and then, I let go. It sounds easy, and apparently it is. Choosing suffering is like picking up a rock and choosing joy is like throwing that rock away. So the question is, will I not go after that rock I just threw because of the emptiness?

We will just have to keep throwing it and fetching it until I realize its not worth it. I will change my optic direction even if it means doing it over and over 100 times a day. I WILL CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.