September 6, 2020

Getting a little hopeless in the search for more

By Confusedgirl

There has to be more than what we are experiencing, there has to be a higher force to it. I want more, I deserve more but what is more? I don’t even know what more is but I am in search of more.

Honestly don’t need much but there must be more to it than this right here. Is this it?, I’m not saying I’m unhappy or ungrateful but I feel not completely satisfied, like something is missing. What am I missing? my quest to self seems to be an on and off situation, probably because I’m not happy with what I’m discovering. And what I’m discovering is empty, not emptiness or loneliness, but just empty.

If I had to describe it, it would be like walking into a blank room with white ceiling, walls and floor, all white of nothing. There are two ways of looking at this as one would say that the blank room represents the opportunity to build ones own self, or it could be blankness of not knowing anything. I’m in search of something and I keep telling myself I will know it when I see or feel it.

Maybe this empty feel is my destination, my destination to the beginning of my journey to live, but for now I am still very confused. And it’s OK.