In question of self

What to feel when feelings let you down? Have you ever been your own worst nightmare and the thought of your own existence freaked you out. How can I not feel anything? Is feeling nothing a feeling?

I don’t know what I feel these days. Days turn to weeks, weeks into months and months into years all just trying to figure out what I’m feeling, its not emptiness nor is it depression, but the numbness that keeps hovering over me day in and day out.

It is not that I feel nothing, but its the fact that I constantly keep searching for something that is said to be already in me. It comes standard in all of us and it should be labeled at birth “Fragile. DO NOT CONTAMINATE” It is SELF, sense of self. Contaminating sense of self with external opinions will destroy this precious self.