It’s been a while, but the confusion remains.
So its been a while since I poured my confusion out and left myself even more confused about my life. Whats changed, as I ask myself, since my last interaction?
Well that same situation that has had me on an emotional roller coaster for that past 2 and a half years, has slightly changed. It actually reminds me of something I’ve heard, that goes a little like “Just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have”. It’s not what I expected. I keep looking for more, more effort. It’s different. I’m more confused about my life than I’ve ever been, yet I have never had this clear of a path in my life. I want you and you finally ready to give me what I want, so what is the problem?
Let us see if we can simplify this. I have always wanted you and you recently decided to give us your full commitment, and that scars the living day light out of me. See I have always had room for disappointment in my mind and heart, and that was what kept me sane when you pulled your stunts on me. That room for disappointment kept me from busting the windows out your car and kept me on the reality parallel side of life. But now you asking for full out commitment and that is what my newly discovered biggest fear is. I have lost myself before, and the question is are you worth me risking that loss again, because love has always been a gamble. It just so happens that gambling is addictive and I’m not sure what that means for us.
Other than love life drama, a lot has happened, more to come.