Still waiting for the right time….
Forever waiting for the right moment to start living my life the way I want to and to be honest it’s been a long 25 and half years of waiting.
I have been feeling off these past few months and I’m not completely sure why and this year as an entity isn’t really making things any easier for me. With the outbreak of corona and me having to stay home, has brought me to realizing some facts I’ve been avoiding my entire life. Now bare with me as this is not as easy to admit not only to myself but to you as well.
Firstly, I have been using my own past mistakes and misfortunes to defend current day bad habits, but building a tower around myself isn’t going to help anyone, especially me.
Secondly, I am scared of being happy because I’m not how that emotion is attained and more so, retained.
Thirdly, like most us, I have a 6000 page novel of excuses why i can’t, shouldn’t or won’t be doing pretty much anything outside my comfort zone.
Lastly and most terrifying, I love fighting with the people who say they love me, I’m not sure if it’s the mind conditioning from my previous relationship or i just need them to prove to me that I’m worth fighting for.
As twisted as it is, admitting to fault is the first step to pretty much all recovery within self, so with this I now open myself to the universe to heal.